MarkSmith
Urbanjoint :: Staff
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| Gender: Male |
| Member Since: 11/12/2002 |
| Location: Stamford, CT |
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WHITE MEN V.S. BLACK MEN AND OTHER RACES
Replied
on 12/30/2003 6:59:23 PM
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Hello Cindia,
I?m joining this discussion a little late in the game and did not read all of the comments. You have quite a list here concerning the way some black men act. I will focus on the ?holding the door issue?.
Generally speaking, I believe that the issue concerning "men" and how they treat "women" is the result of the way the male was raised. If a "young man" (black/white/latino, etc) is taught by his mother, father or whatever dominant figure exists in his life that he should treat women with a certain level of courtesy, then the young man is more apt to develop these same behaviors over time and carry them into adult hood. Actually seeing family members demonstrate these same behaviors in their own lives/relationships throughout their youth, helps a young man to understand how things should be. Opening a door for a lady is not just about showing respect, it?s simply extending ?common courtesy?. Mayyben men who do not hold a door for a woman should look at it as making a small effort to show a kind gesture to another individual.
Let?s look at it this way--for all of you men out there (black, white, latino, etc.) if your sister, girlfriend, mother, aunt, neice or grandmother was out shopping and had her hands full of packages, and a ?man? was nearby that could extend a helping hand by holding the door, wouldn?t you appreciate a kind gesture shown toward someone you care about? Most of you will say yes, right. So, for all of the men out there who do not hold the door for women, maybe you can just make an effort to just get into the habit of opening/holding a door for a lady and extending other kind/thoughtful courtesies toward women ?even if their hands are not full? (and vice versa). There is nothing wrong with a lady holding the door for a man when the situation is appropriate. I teach my 15 year old son not only to hold the door for the ladies, but to hold the door for men too...if he is entering a building and a man is trailing along close behind him, also trying to enter, he should not let the door slam in their face?he should enter first and hold the door open slightly for the man behind him. My son also unlocks the door for me when we arrive at home, pushes the door open and let?s me walk thru the door first. So, any female my son comes in contact with will experience this same behavior when it comes to opening/closing doors. Doesn?t matter if she?s cute, old, ugly or if he?s trying to holler at her, he knows he better hold the door. Oh, and one last thing?.just to be fair?.women that do not respect themselves, or carry a huge attitude or have negative body language or behaviors are more likely to ?not? have ?any man? hold a door for them. I?m not sayin? it?s right, I?m just sayin? it?s likely. My man still opens/closes doors for me even when he is aggravated with me and I have seen him extend this same courtesy toward other women. I am a black female and my man is also black. My man was raised with proper values.
However, I can count on two hands the number of times my ?ex-husband? of 10+ years (who is also black) opened/closed a door for me when we were married?he wasn?t raised with proper etiquette and did not have any strong male/female role models to help him understand the importance of showing women courtesy. Again, it?s all in how a young man is raised and how much he cares to understand simple ?common courtesy? towards others.
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WHITE MEN V.S. BLACK MEN AND OTHER RACES
Replied
on 12/30/2003 6:59:23 PM
|
|
Hello Cindia,
I?m joining this discussion a little late in the game and did not read all of the comments. You have quite a list here concerning the way some black men act. I will focus on the ?holding the door issue?.
Generally speaking, I believe that the issue concerning "men" and how they treat "women" is the result of the way the male was raised. If a "young man" (black/white/latino, etc) is taught by his mother, father or whatever dominant figure exists in his life that he should treat women with a certain level of courtesy, then the young man is more apt to develop these same behaviors over time and carry them into adult hood. Actually seeing family members demonstrate these same behaviors in their own lives/relationships throughout their youth, helps a young man to understand how things should be. Opening a door for a lady is not just about showing respect, it?s simply extending ?common courtesy?. Mayyben men who do not hold a door for a woman should look at it as making a small effort to show a kind gesture to another individual.
Let?s look at it this way--for all of you men out there (black, white, latino, etc.) if your sister, girlfriend, mother, aunt, neice or grandmother was out shopping and had her hands full of packages, and a ?man? was nearby that could extend a helping hand by holding the door, wouldn?t you appreciate a kind gesture shown toward someone you care about? Most of you will say yes, right. So, for all of the men out there who do not hold the door for women, maybe you can just make an effort to just get into the habit of opening/holding a door for a lady and extending other kind/thoughtful courtesies toward women ?even if their hands are not full? (and vice versa). There is nothing wrong with a lady holding the door for a man when the situation is appropriate. I teach my 15 year old son not only to hold the door for the ladies, but to hold the door for men too...if he is entering a building and a man is trailing along close behind him, also trying to enter, he should not let the door slam in their face?he should enter first and hold the door open slightly for the man behind him. My son also unlocks the door for me when we arrive at home, pushes the door open and let?s me walk thru the door first. So, any female my son comes in contact with will experience this same behavior when it comes to opening/closing doors. Doesn?t matter if she?s cute, old, ugly or if he?s trying to holler at her, he knows he better hold the door. Oh, and one last thing?.just to be fair?.women that do not respect themselves, or carry a huge attitude or have negative body language or behaviors are more likely to ?not? have ?any man? hold a door for them. I?m not sayin? it?s right, I?m just sayin? it?s likely. My man still opens/closes doors for me even when he is aggravated with me and I have seen him extend this same courtesy toward other women. I am a black female and my man is also black. My man was raised with proper values.
However, I can count on two hands the number of times my ?ex-husband? of 10+ years (who is also black) opened/closed a door for me when we were married?he wasn?t raised with proper etiquette and did not have any strong male/female role models to help him understand the importance of showing women courtesy. Again, it?s all in how a young man is raised and how much he cares to understand simple ?common courtesy? towards others.
CLICK
HERE TO REPLY! |
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